vividacity

the dreams are back



twisting reality once more into a tangible mess of air pools and blunt colour

photo.  

does this mean what i think

if i could sleep

photo.  

i could sleep
(in or out of my head)
for a thousand years
in a thousand places
and still couldn't face
the tears
i would shed
if i were to keep
going.

i could sleep
for a thousand years
all for love
for goodness' sake
and still wouldn't be
asleep enough
to awake
from this travesty
(my mind is slowing).

i could sleep
for a thousand years
i'd cling to it like
my oldest friend
though he
(the little tyke)
would not send
to me
any replies.

if i could sleep
for a thousand years
i'd be left uninspired
mouth gagged in slumber's scream
as hours minutes seconds end
time would blend
with a watery dream
before my tired
eyes.

smoke and mirrors

photo.  

there's smoke in my mouth
smoke in my mouth
smoke in my mouth
it won't come out

this changes things
you think
i think
as your eyes dart to my ash-traced lips

"you you you are not who we thought"
you think
i think
there's no we anymore

blushing pilgrims no longer
lest shame makes us so
i am bound to the foe
now you are my foe

i am your foe
though i didn't mean to be
this changes things
stains more than skin deep

i'm being choked
by blackened smoke
i'm tainted with cancer
you're tainted with hope.

smile

in that one smile, everything was said
wasn't it

that i'm not who you thought

that our secret is different now

that i'm not who i thought

photos. 

this smoke isn't coming out of my mouth

party girl

It doesn't matter whether you were joking or not.

I got angry, because (honestly)

I'm pretty disappointed with myself too.

photo.   

the grass is always greener i suppose.

i remember now

this. this is why i did it

photos.   

sometimes the darkness gets so thick you forget where you came from
this is what breathing feels like.

definition

You say you wanna stand by my side

Darling your head's not right

I see alone we stand together we fall apart
Yeah, I think I'll be alright
I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables they turn sometimes.
Oh someday.

I ain't wasting no more time.

Someday-The Strokes

future.

where do you see yourself in 5 years?

that's the problem, i don't.

photos.  

i think my soul fell out my eyes a long time ago

this relief isn't enough

thank-you

It's not our fault we're made this way

we're faulty by design

-meg and all the rest, dylan smith

honestly? sometimes i hold on to that like it's the last truth in the world

photo.  

(excuses, excuses, excuses)

where would we be without them?

utopia

warm and safe,
like a pea in a pod
a bug in a rug
a yolk in its shell,
protected.
Never lonely because
you're never alone.
Mummmmm.
a constant word
hums like time.
my lullaby,
-our lullaby-
Her presence can't be erased.
we're forever bound by the first hug.

words swim toward me
enveloped in silence
her murmurings.
Then suddenly, louder
frantic
pain, stretching, tearing,
never-ending
it slips into my lungs 
white hot air stabbing my insides
screams, ours.
we scream together
as we are torn apart
oxygen and air and lungs
                                      and pain




cold and vulnerable
the egg has cracked.