Saturday, October 16, 2010


Once, in a land far from here, in a time that may never come to pass, I escaped from Despair, a demon who was hunting me. I arrived in an unfamiliar land, where despair did not follow me. As I walked through fields of tranquility, I met a young girl with sweet melodies plaited through her hair and light in her heart. She spoke in colours. As we talked I told her of my world and the monster I was fleeing, confused, she questioned me, "What colour is despair?"
"Black, I suppose."
She thought about this. "But what kind of black? Black like a crow's feathers? Or nightfall? Or-"
"No," I cut her off, frustrated, "black like in your room, alone at night. Like the deepest part of the ocean where just looking at it you feel like you will lose yourself. Like nothingness, the unknown."
Confusion clouded her face and envy filled my depths. She lived in a world where that colour wasn't a feeling, where it didn't exist, her next words confirmed it.
"I don't think I've ever felt that colour."
"How I wish I could stay here," I whispered with a voice like glass.
"You can." She murmured, her face filled with warmth.
"I can't," I whispered, longing clouding my voice, "what about all those I love?"
She hesitated, "Love? What colour is that?"
My breath ran away, and in an instant my envy transformed into pity. After much thought, I spoke, "Well, I suppose, it's every colour."
The girl who spoke in colours searched my eyes for the hidden meaning that she couldn't reach, not here.
"Do you mean white?"
"No," I choked on the words, "not at all...I'm sorry, I- I don't think there is a colour."
And with that I leant down to kiss her on both cheeks before walking away. And as soon as she was out of sight I began to run. And as I ran I sobbed, my heart cracking open, emotions filling my lungs. I prayed I could find my way back home and no longer feared the monster that had chased me here.
Because feeling horrible beats feeling nothing.
Because I didn't want to close off.
Because that poor girl would never feel love because she lived in a world without hate.
Beacuse I'd rather be fucked up anyday.


Erimentha said...

this is was confusing...intriguing. i hope you're alright lovely lilah! i love the idea of colours being love or despair. you write so well. im following you now, just let me know if i can do anything for you love :) x

Irena said...

you have a really nice blog :P kisses, Irena <3

Melee said...

I love the thought of thinking of things in terms of colour! I've often wondered what colour I am...

I hope you're alright, dear Lilah. I hope you are not lost in that most sinister shade of black. *hugs*

Sam said...

I love the deepness. The way you see the world. I wish I could get that deep. for me I feel that things are becoming so materialistic and superficial

Athena. said...

This broke my heart; induced tiny cracks and then, nothing. Please be okay. You have such a beautiful, wise heart. xxx

Dandalily said...

i always thought love must be pink or red or white but i knew despair had to be alone in your room theres nothing black. The way you explained everything was heartaching.