Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Cassie's therapy video tag.

This is a tag that the lovely Erimentha began, and continues to post each month. It's based on a therapy video for a character in the tv show skins. If you haven't seen it i highly recommend you watch it or preferably the entire series. So thank-you to Erimentha for tagging me, I absolutely adore it and have enjoyed writing it.
As part of the tag I have to pass it on to three more bloggers that i like, so:
-Some girl because her words take my breath away
-Melee because she views the world in an incredible way
-Dandalily because even if she did one recently she is the most amazing blogger

Abracadabra, Wow!

I like boys with soft eyes and girls with wierd laughs.
I like textures
I like whispering
I like flowers with delicious aromas
I like different, exotic cultures
I like thinking big thoughts that make you feel sick with confusion
I like making others confused because i guess deep down i don’t want to be understood
I like laughing
I like the moments between waking and sleeping when the world is filled with possibilities
I like clouds
And poems
I like modesty
I like being told a boy likes you, no matter who it is.
I love thinking
Today I sat in a car for ten hours with my family, and my dad laughed deep, bellowing laughs and high, surprising laughs And my brothers and I tasted what it’s like to be a family again.

In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular

I like things that I like but I love everything

There’s more choice in like

Cos even the worst things have things you love in them

I don’t know what you mean about things I hate

I hate materialism and racism
I hate sexism
I hate when people make jokes in a serious moment because they feel threatened by real emotions
I hate how unfair the world is and how oblivious some of its occupants are
I hate when people get torn up about things that are completely in their control
I hate when people get torn up about things that don’t matter
I hate how self-centred everyone is but in a way, I know I used to be am the same.
I hate feeling incompetent, especially when the only reason i do is because i compared myself to another
I hate how sometimes you get so carried away with thoughts or people or problems, that you lose yourself

I hate this, wow. . .Sorry.


your words,
    curl underneath my fingertips.

 as if to say
 perhaps one day
 you'll feel the same.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Tomorrow I'm going on a trip
and I don't know when I'll be back.

for a moment
I'll breathe again.

It's a Christmas Miracle.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

letterhead #4

Dear future me,
I'm sorry I didn't study
for bio (and probably all the others)
I just hate this. I hate what's happening
and how little control i have over it.
I hate how I had control but I gave it up.
I hate how it makes me feel.
I hate how I told Bella, but she brushed it off, so I did too ( i hate how that didn't work).
I hate how when I think of the future I only feel despair,
how it seems so close to being too hard.
And now I'm choking on my own tears.

It's just hard, you know? Just
hold on till your play
it'll be good then.
With love,

Monday, December 20, 2010

Bad dreams.


“You’re all tangled up in other people. Their expectations have become the expectations you have for yourself. Their worries have become your worries. Their dreams are slowly becoming your nightmares. you are not other people.”   —deafeningsilence

Thursday, December 16, 2010

what to say

kudos to Erimentha.

To myself:
To ellen:

To boys:

To Lewis:

To everyone:

To ellen's mum:

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

this is what it felt like

it's a web
and there's no escape
i keep repeating the words
there's always a choice
and there is,
but i don't like any of the options.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

letterhead #3

Dear you,
I went through and read all your posts today
and that's when i realised.
Frozen raspberries, that's all you said, but that was enough.
So now,
I think I know something about you.
And you don't want people to know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I found out,
I'm sorry I stole a part of you that was private and made it mine as well.
(even if it made me feel better)
This changes things.
Because we don't actually know each other.
But I always have wanted to know you,
you just never seemed to really like me.
and now you've stopped blogging.
and i wonder if you realised first and stopped.

But this is my secret too,
so maybe we'll just have to share.
maybe it won't matter because you'll never read this and i'll never say anything.

But if you do:
i did always want to be friends.
i'm sorry i didn't realise how sad you were earlier this year.
i'm sorry i found out.
please don't tell anyone.
because i've written these things because i can't say them
because i don't want to.
because there are consequences and i've discovered that.
and please don't judge (i didn't)
also, i meant every word in the poem.

i don't know if this will change our friendship.
mostly i think it won't.

if you really have stopped.
congratulations, i guess blogging is almost a process of healing.
you've completed the test.

with love,

i wonder if i shall post this.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

that girl.

“I’ve always wanted to be the girl who everyone notices when she walks into a room… Not necessarily because she’s exceptionally gorgeous or brilliant or has a smile plastered on her face everywhere she goes - I want to be noticed for just being that girl. The one you can always count on. The one who is slightly mysterious but will share her secrets. The one who can get away with sitting a corner all by herself or being a complete social butterfly whenever she chooses. And the fact is, this girl is not noticed for wearing expensive clothing or having a great body or knowing a lot of well-liked people. She is simply noticed for her confidence, her beauty, her poise and being exactly who she is. I know it seems like this type of girl can only be found in a great fictional novel or film, but I want to believe - I need to believe - that this type of girl exists. I need to believe that someone can be noticed and loved for being who they want to be. I need to believe that this type of girl is real.”

- http://poeticheartache.tumblr.com/