Deja Vu

photo.   

I have this feeling that keeps coming back to me
like not only have i been here before, but i've said these things before, I was in this exact situation before
more than that, i have lived this exact life before
and like groundhog day i keep screwing it up
so i am forced to relive it
and i think
oh the cruelty
because more than ever i believe the mistake will be some kind of tragedy.
will be something bad.
but instead of peace i will be forced to relive it
to start again
to endure everything i've taken so far
again

it feels like moments are gathering towards one
and although i can do anything to change it
i don't know how to
or want to
because the idea of making it up as i go along,
of not unconsciously knowing what's in store
is fucking scary

photo.  

Who's to say that

dreams and nightmares

aren't as real as the

here and now?

-John Lennon

Soulmates

Plato believed that humans were originally in pairs, joined to another by the backs, but were split by the Gods because we were too powerful.
Now we are doomed to wander the Earth
until we find
our other
half.

photo.

"condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them"

According to Theosophy, God created androgynous souls, equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God". Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.

I really, REALLY like this idea.
I think I should have liked Plato.

Envy the Ignorant.

Something about our friendship has been troubling me for a while, I think I've finally realised.

photo. 

Today on the train ride home I asked my best friend about the world, ideas and existence.
She brushed it off.
So I asked another question.
"Are you happy? Like, content, not being troubled by the world?"
"Yes."
I don't think we can be best friends anymore.
Because somebody who doesn't question life, who is able to prance through life, untroubled by the unanswerable questions -will hurt me.
Because these questions do trouble me, I can't find solace anymore because of them.
I don't think I can understand that, what it is to be like that.
If I could take back my ignorance I might.
But you can't unthink.

"in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt."

-Bertrand Russell

how sad, she was nice.