thought

i hate lying
i swear i do
but now it seems they are all that is holding my world together
by holding my two worlds apart

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK

photo.  

I actually realise why Dylan has given up on me.

Finally I understand.

I always knew but I never understood

I'm a fucking joke.

There's no words to describe what an incredible twat I am

REPEATEDLY

I am a douche bag

and it annoys me that noone will tell me so.

I swear to God I wasn't always this selfish.

It's just, I've begun taking care of myself, and that hurts other people.

i want to throw something and smash it.

Uncovered

photo.  

Again, doubts are nesting. That already,

With a soft word, you can voice your feelings
Ignites fear. Can't you see I'm concealing
...What? Incertitude, reluctance, dread. Flee
From me while you freedom holds its head. See
The way my mouth curves (not to the ceiling),
Not your fault but mine. A lack of zeal? Sings
The voice. No, I swear, my mouth is steady.
But look at what you have been dragged into,
My lair. The voice suggests I should sever
What has not even begun.  No! Adieu!
I scream to voices. Are they so clever
or am I so foolish as to undo
That which may bring joy to me? No. Never.

Dylan.

Don't you realise?
Nothing has changed.
NOTHING.
And all I keep thinking is how I hate how lately it's been an effort to stay friends.
How you're starting to annoy me more than anything.
How when I feel shit, I can't tell you.
How you seem so cocky to me these days.
How you always seem uncomfortable.
How I feel uncomfortable because I feel like you want a relationship, when I can only handle a friend.
How even the songs you write about me are actually about you.
How you only ever make the effort to talk to me over the phone, or internet
   when I want something more real than that.
But then again, I guess we've always wanted different things.

And then I think: fuck you.
And that's how this all began.
And that's why it's falling apart.


I NEED A BREAK.

"Letting go doesn't always mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."

photos.   

(sorry I gave up)

                                                                                                this one is about me.

i'm such a dick.

 photo.           
i like myself
i like myself
i like myself

these words are scratched into my heart, they might fade but they'll never fully heal.

sometimes i hate myself for being who i am,
because you have to convince yourself to like you.