thanks.

photo.  

There is a girl in my lecture who has blonde hair, and a vulnerable face. She wears pale cotton blouses and cardigans that look like my grandmother's and has a set mouth.
And she has a doll, it must be at least eleven inches and it sits on her desk. The doll has an elvish face, and short, blonde hair and twig-green skin.
In my classes, sometimes I hear girls talk about the girl, how odd she is.
Please, don't listen to them. One week, when I felt upset and uncontrolled and shaky, I saw you and your doll, and I understood why you brought her.
I even pretended she was mine. And I felt better.

I guess I just wanted to say -Thanks.
Stay strong.

untitled

photo.  

my skin
rises to meet your hands
i can tell
i have no control, that
this is unconscious
it's automatic
instinctive
this
this is bigger than you
or me
this is chemistry
and nature
and DNA
this is written into my body
into the patterns of your palms
as they glide
down my spine
over my stomach
this is different
and new
and it makes my heart
beat
in time with something
there isn't a word for.
this might not be love but
it makes me believe in it.

Promise

Don't forget to look up once in a while.

photo.  

Force yourself to.

The Apiarist.

photo.  

there is
a storm of bees
swarming, forming
around her head
on days like this morning
people passing
pretending
they can not see
any bees, can not see
the honey
dripping from her
eyes
knees
thighs
there is no smoke, today

one young man
nears her
does not wear
a beekeeper suit
but still, leans in
and licks the honey
off her swollen chin
and licks the honey
off his velvet lips
i think, maybe,
he knows
today, she doesn't like honey
i think, maybe,
he knows
she doesn't like to be
a beekeeper
always.

she wonders
if he exists
to prove the bees
don't have to.

Update

Today I wore the necklace you gave me and wished I had you instead.
Today I sat in a lecture and tried not to cry.
Today I finished reading a book I started last night.
Today I didn't fall asleep halfway through the day, which I've been doing for weeks.
Today I accepted my emotions.
Today I tried to eat healthily and then ate some nutella that someone left in the pantry.
Today I was meant to edit my assignment that's due today, but I left it.
Today was like all the others in the end.