Sunday, June 26, 2011


I want things again.
And I really want them, I care about them, I have enough energy to try and get them.
So this is about all the things I want, to remind me if I ever forget again.

I want to dye my hair hot pink
I want to appreciate people and personalities
I want to finish the HSC and do well, not because I need to but so I can be proud of myself
I want to kiss someone who I actually care about
and when I do I don't want to be numbed
I want to act
I want to read
I want to write
I want to travel
I want to meet people
I want to experience
I want to fight for who and what I believe in
even if that means breaking the rules sometimes
I really want to remember the inherent goodness of humanity
even if it's hard to see sometimes
And honestly, part of me
wants to go back
but not for a bit
And until then, I want to remind others about what I so easily forgot
Thank you for everything
You all helped me a lot.


P.s. I am Me. said...

You're right. I think she has. I just hoped that she hadn't entirely given up on love, because of us who do love her. But I don't think she sees that.
I worry about her, I worry about her a lot. And I hate this hopeless feeling of not knowing what you can do and not knowing what is enough.
I don't know if there is anything we could do to give her something to fight for. And that scares me.

P.s. I am Me. said...

I did write the message, and I hoped it would help, even just a tiny bit. And you don’t have to feel like that at all. You took that leap to leave that place that you were in and I hope that Bella will someday soon be able to do the same thing. It is up to her to get better, and I know that she doesn’t really want that right now. It’s just hard to sit back and watch something like this happen, especially while not knowing what to do about it – or how to help. I did read the post, and I agree that the little things are what count and I think that it is the most that we can probably do at the moment. I just don’t want to be one of those people who sit back and watch this terrible thing unfold all the while trying to reassure myself that ‘she’ll get better’ or that ‘maybe it’s just a phase,’ because if something did happen to her then I would feel all the guilt in the world for not doing something about it. I’m not sure how to go about acknowledging it because I guess telling someone else about it, who could maybe help, could end up backfiring and making her regret telling anyone and pushing away whomever she has left. I do worry too much, I wish I could stop but there’s just too much these days that people don’t take seriously, and I worry that if I do the same thing, something that I told myself wouldn’t happen, will.
I'm glad that you're in a better place than before.
I worried about you too.