I think the worst thing about it was the light in his eyes. It seemed to reinforce everything I've lost.
And I found myself wondering if i have passed the point of no return,
if there was a way to claw back the goodness that seems to have disappeared from myself.
It's a funny thing, goodness. You don't notice it until it's no longer there, and then you can feel its lack of presence taking over.
It seems to gradually suck up everything that you had defined yourself by, and leave you with this.
This, which is so uncared for, so desperately unneeded.
Which makes you selfish and self-centred and lonely.
More than other things, i find myself thinking of myself from three years ago, and admiring her, missing her. My mind may have grown but my hearts has shrivelled up.
I could learn a few things from her, but truthfully, i can't even remember her.
I can't even remember who i was.
"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges"
-J. F. Newton
And don't i know it.