past present future

His small time's end. His time-
Who saw infinity through the countless cracks
In the blank skin of things, and died of it.

-A. S. Byatt, Possession

photos.  

twins

photo.  

 
i.
you look at me with dual faces they take me places
i don't want to go
your words wrap around each other, juxtaposed to their brother
twisting their meanings to your smile.
it is so wearing to tell which face you are wearing
today, to whom i am telling my thoughts.
I love you but only part of you
and aren't lovers meant to love all
 
 
ii.
it doesn't matter. we are identical
when i look in the mirror i wonder who i will be
today, and i wonder who
is wondering those thoughts.
i wander aimlessly through volleys of motions,
valleys of emotions
i have no ultimate.
only guilt for this affliction i force on you
on you who love me
part of me - even lovers can't love every part
 
 
iii.
you and me, we are identical

in that our faces aren't                                               

 

grow up

 photo.  

photo.    

no

darker

cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door cellar door 

but

photo.   

ever after

This is a post by Ever, that i adore.

There is so much,

too much,

to say.

I can't begin to wrap the words together

nor can I undo the ones I have created.

The thing about creativity is

once it is done,

it cannot be undone.

The intricate vines that you weave

layer themselves

into the most unspoken beauty.

They thicken until each and every reader

is shut out

from their truth; their connotation.

The denotation,

while pleasent and blooming

with lilacs and sweet pea blossoms,

is never what it seems.

Eventually, what you have created

will begin to bloom itself

cascading into the neon sharpness,

carving into acute angles.

Withering until the flower-scent

seeps into your mind.

It's pollen wiggles into the crevices,

dangling along your neurons

puncturing your occipital lobe.

These vines encase you

wrapping into a tight shell,

protecting your innermost softness

and locking your secrets up tight.

Together, you sprout thorns.

unlucky

creative writers are more likely to be mentally unstable. or mentally unstable people are more likely to write creatively.

it doesn't matter, we all knew that. really.

photo.  

Sylvia Plath effect

The Sylvia Plath effect is a term coined by psychologist James C. Kaufman in 2001 to refer to the phenomenon that creative writers are more susceptible to mental illness than other people. Kaufman’s work demonstrated that female poets were more likely to suffer from mental illness than any other class of writers. This finding has been discussed in many international newspapers, including the New York Times. The finding is consistent with other psychological research studies.


The effect is named after the American poet Sylvia Plath, who committed suicide when she was thirty years old.

about before

i know

photos.  

and it always does

photo.  

confidence blooms

grip

photo.   

I thought that afterwards, it would feel different
lighter, somehow.
Like this great weight had been lifted off my shoulders and now
i could almost float away with this release.

Instead, my footfalls were heavier.
In a way, it was better;
no longer did i struggle to hold myself together.
There was suddenly, this stability, a solidity that was not there before
and i felt for once that i did not need to continually reel myself together, slowly winding my thoughts back up and neatly tucking them away into the recesses of my internal body.

sad truth

photos.   

it's too much
it was always going to be too much

it's not me it's you (open your eyes)

photos.  

thereisadarkness
insidemy
head;thatihave
nocontrolover
it stirs in me
tracing my ribs with enticing
tendrils
lovinglystrokingmyskull
pulsing its way toward my centre
binding itself around my heart.
(it'ssmokeandiron)
ifyoulook closely
you can
see it,
in the hollows
(beneath) my eyes
shade and light manipulated into
puffypuffypuffiness

ifyoulook closely
you can
see it,
in the curves
of my lips
after they have halted from their never-ending chatter
happyhappyhappyhappyhappyjokelaugh

ifyoulook closely
you can
see it,
in the blotches
in my skin;
in the edges of
my appearance;
the bite of my speech;
the shortness of my fuse;
how much i fight
appetite
words i write
i'mlosingsight

ifyoulook closely
you can
see it,
but noone does.

sum

photo.  

You're sad because you're sad.


It's psychic. It's the age. It's chemical.

Go see a shrink or take a pill,

or hug your sadness like an eyeless doll

you need to sleep.

-excerpt from sad child by Margaret Atwood