“I wanted to kill the me underneath.
That fact haunted my days and nights. When you realize you hate yourself so much, when you realize that
you cannot stand who you are,
and this deep spite has been the motivation behind your behavior for many years,
your brain can’t quite deal with it.
It will try very hard to avoid that realization;
it will try, in a last-ditch effort to keep your remaining parts alive, to remake the rest of you. ”