hold on

photo.  

when i am 30
i will live alone, in a house in the country
and when i stand outside and look around my house, i will not see a trace of civilization except mine
and at night the stars will sing to me.

i will live there for 3 months, or a year or unto death
and i will cook and read and write
and retreat
from the world
into myself

i will not have a family
because even then i wont be that selfish
instead i will have me
and my thoughts
and they will occupy me and my time

instead

i will have a room with nothing in it
but metal and wood and sand
and when i need to
i will go into the room and throw paint at the walls and at myself
i will throw the wood at the walls and the metal at the wood
i will run my fingers through the sand then my hair
and i will finally physicalize feelings

sometimes when im lonely i will speak to myself
or my fire or sink
because they will listen and so will i
i will sit on my roof and scream and scream and scream
and dance
and noone will hear me and noone will care
and i won't feel trapped
or lonely or in danger or targeted
ill feel like myself
ill feel free

and until then, that -that promise- will be enough